I'm staring at the last three weeks of blood sugars. I've calculated my averages and circled every blood sugar that isn't between 60 and 250. But now, I'm just staring. I'm wondering what to do next.

Some of the highs are fairly unexplained (marked with the traditional question mark in my logbook) and some are the result of inadequate boluses, late/skipped boluses for snacks, or overtreating lows. And most of the lows are from decreasing my carb ratio at breakfast (saw a bout of 50's after breakfast three days in a row). Sadly, quite a few of the lows are unexplained just like the highs...late hit from exercise, stress, or just diabetes in its confusion...I'll never really know.

Even though the past two weeks have been better (as in fewer numbers over 250), my averages are still not in the range that I want them to be in. But short of being perfect, I'm not sure what to change. I know that being accurate is a major part of this disease, but sometimes life just gets in the way or someone throws a curve ball at me. So do I have to be perfect to manage this? Do I have to do every step correctly in order to lower my numbers?

I guess I'll try another Lantus raise, bringing my morning injection to 14 units instead of 13. The problem with raising the morning injection is that I run the risk of afternoon lows. And with my increasing hypoglycemic unawareness, I'm not sure the risk is worth it. Maybe an increase in Lantus but a decrease in lunch bolus would do the trick?

Trial and error is the only way to tell. So this next week, that's what I'll be doing. Increasing, decreasing, and testing out these insulin patterns....all the while hoping that something clicks. Because I'd give anything for a stable diabetes that didn't need these constant changes.

I'd give anything to look at my logbook and see decent averages, to take a break from stressing about getting my A1c under 7%. I'm sick of diabetes management taking control of my life...of being such a full time thing. I want to be able to think about my future plans, acing my final, and writing a novel. After sixteen plus years, it's hard to keep reminding myself that the end result is what's important.

On the other hand, my other health issues seem to be slowly falling into place. I'm seeing an improvement in my acne troubles, although certainly not perfect yet. I'm also getting steps closer to being on track with a normal cycle (and not feeling like I'm forcing my body to go against nature). I am having a few side effects from slowing down my treatment (like migraines coming back, water retention, and joint/bone pain), but I'm hopeful that some fine-tuning of supplements can get that under control as well.

With those health issues falling more into place, maybe handling my diabetes won't feel like such a burden? And maybe I'll feel like I'm not so empty and broken at 20 years old. Maybe I'll feel a little less overwhelmed and a little more hopeful.

Plus my bedtime and morning blood sugars are getting closer to being consistently in range...which is a huge relief since I couldn't seem to get that right since I switched from the pump back to Lantus. I'm not really having night lows, which is a splendid thing. Definitely one less thing to stress about on the health front.