I was beyond thrilled when my depression didn't get any worse after No. 3 was born. For as miserable as I was after No. 1 and No. 2 were born, I felt absolutely fantastic.

I also felt for a long while that this was just the way it was going to be. That in order to feel something close to normal I'd need to take a pill once a day. No big deal considering all the other medications I was taking to be sort of close to normal.

I started to have episodes or days when I would be aggravated and super angry for no apparent reason. And then just like that I'd be fine. I started to look up symptoms of bipolar disorder thinking that having what amounted to rather extreme mood swings was a hallmark of bipolar. But after some research I decided that I did not have bipolar.

The thought that I was more than just depressed kept gnawing at me. I consulted a friend of mine with a master's in social work. We've always had a rather open, honest relationship so I was confident that with her experience and education she'd be able to tell me if I was barking up the wrong tree. We agreed that I am not bipolar.

But something was and is still wrong. It bothers me that I've never really had a "formal" diagnosis. I mean it's clear that I'm depressed and that I'm benefitting from taking antidepressants, but I feel like I should be on a more even keel more often. One of my problems lately is determining if what I'm going through is just my personality, a byproduct of depression, something bigger than both of those things or a combination of some or all of those things.

I've looked on my insurance Web site for psychiatrists in my area because I really think that's the next step. Sure, there are some things that I'm confident about when it comes to self-diagnosis, but this isn't one of them.

I'm not afraid of the stigma. In fact, I can't recall a time when I've gotten a derrogatory comment or attitude about being depressed and I pretty freely discuss my depression when the situation is right. And I weep for women going through post-partum depression who experience the same things I did. I wish OBs would talk more candidly about depression with pregnant moms.

I've been told by doctors that having post-partum depression can pre-dispose a woman to being depressed later in life -- much like the connection between gestational diabetes and full-time diabetes. However, The Mr. has told me that looking back, he saw signs of depression long before we had kids. That makes me a little sad.