I've been extremely frustrated with my health lately. I'm usually at a heightened sense of frustration, but the past few weeks have hit me hard. To the point that I'm feeling hopeless, desperate, and just plain lost in the sea of chronic conditions.

My diabetes isn't the main issue, even though it's always a source of stress in my life. Mostly, I feel like I'm just going along with my diabetes at the moment until my doctor's appointment later in the summer. I'm keeping up with my insulin, eating normally, exercising, and all that...just not focusing on making changes. I feel like I don't know where to make the next change, so I just want a break to absorb what I have right now (which are averages in the 150's).

I'm frustrated with my other conditions at the moment though. I'm upset with the lack of progress, the setbacks, and the cost both financially and emotionally. I've been struggling with these health issues for the past three years and on my current treatment for over a year. Yet I haven't gotten to where I want to be...I haven't stabilized.

My current treatment is using bio-identical hormones for hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue, and general hormone imbalance with my estrogen/progesterone. My main symptoms started out as chronic joint/muscle pain, fatigue, irregular and painful periods, acne, headaches, weight gain, and mood swings. There has been improvement.

For instance, my period is generally within a week or two of when it's supposed to be. My fatigue is lessened. My moods are much more stabilized, with only the occasional flare-up when changes are made to my treatment. My joint and muscle pain are usually lessened or at least consolidated to only a few days out of the month.

But the other symptoms that are really frustrating me are the headaches, the acne, and the lingering amount of fatigue.  My weight is improving with my current exercise/diet routine, so that's not bothering me as much as it was previously. I just can't get over the lack of progress (and sometimes worsened symptoms) in those areas. I'm sick of being twenty and dealing with such severe acne that my self-esteem is taking a beating. I'm tired of having headaches every day, of never feeling pain free.

I don't doubt that bio-identical hormones work, but I'm starting to doubt if they will ever work for me. Maybe there is something missing. Or maybe it just isn't my time. I have no idea...but I'm beginning to wonder when I should give up with this and go back to conventional medicine (despite my beliefs that conventional medicine does more harm than good).

It also makes me doubt whether my diabetes is playing a major role in all this. Maybe my hormones will never be quite right because of the past sixteen years with diabetes. Maybe the ups and downs with this disease means constant struggles with other conditions.

Overall, I'm just ready to be whole again. I'm ready to get my life back. I'm impatient with these treatments. And I'm losing faith, hope, and strength that I can achieve the health goals that I want. Plus I'm anxious to feel "normal" again.