Diabetes is a very physical disease. It loves to leave behind marks to show it was there. The strange "tells," "war wounds," and "evidence" that this disease is wreaking havoc on my body both internally and externally.

The easiest sign of diabetes is the calluses on my fingertips. They've been my biggest complaint with this disease (physically at least) since I can remember. I hate the way they mar my fingers with their tiny spots and uneven edges. It never can be skin against skin, smooth and simple. When I run my hands over anything, I feel the tips of my fingers drop their tiny hints of this disease.

As if my fingertips weren't beaten enough, my body has all the signs of needles and insertions. I have bruises galore. Plus the tiny red spots from infusion sites and syringes. And every three months, there's the bruise of getting blood drawn on the crease of my arm.

I can barely count the bruises left behind from diabetes. There's the sensor spot, which is the worst right now. The purple spot reminds me that I battle with this disease and its technology. It reminds me that I had to wait for my blood to clot for half an hour last night, that I had to feel the pain of a bad insertion, that I had to waste money on this disease.

There are the bruises of insulin injections. The ones that don't hit the right spot. The dull needles. Or the sensitive areas. I remember when I first used my thighs when I was a little girl...my legs looked like I'd  been beaten because of the purple and green bruises from the endless injections. Now, they mark my arms mostly, where I try my hardest to forget that the world can see the strange signs of a fight. They just don't know it's a fight for my life.

Besides the calluses and bruises, there are the bumps that diabetes likes to leave behind. It's the scar tissue. The uneven distribution of fat and muscle as insulin changes the way my body grows. It's the bumps of infusion sites and sensors, the bulk of a pump. They all take away from the natural curves of my body, creating odd intrusions where I want my body to be smooth.

The hardest part of all these signs of my diabetes is that I know each one of these signs shows that I'm fighting back hard against this disease. They are the signs that I'm not letting high blood sugars take over my life or ketones race through my veins. It's the signs that I'm doing what I need to do, what I have to do, to stay alive. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier though. It doesn't comfort me in the way I know it should.

It just makes me angry. It makes me angry to think that without diabetes, I wouldn't have to worry about the roughness of my fingertips or the bruises on my body. Without this endless fight for my life, I wouldn't need finger pricks and injections and continuous monitors. I'd be me...with bruises from being a klutz or scratches from my cat.

But instead, I have to keep fighting. And I have to keep receiving these battle scars that change the way I feel physically and emotionally. Instead, I have to keep fighting and knowing that the fight is going to scar and hurt at times...and even though I'm fighting back so hard, I still wonder if it's going to be worth it in the end. Will this fight ever end? Will I actually win?