The list of things I shouldn't eat is long. And I typically ignore the list.
I'm a chocoholic. Pretty much everyone in my life knows it (even my seventh-grade boyfriend knew it!). One of my favorite phrases is, "This requires chocolate." I do feel guilty, though. Well, not guilty so much as self conscious.
Today after lunch I got that familiar I-need-chocolate-after-lunch feeling. I grabbed $1.50 in change and walked to the other building.
As I was walking I thought I really only needed one chocolate bar and that although I really wanted more than one I figured I could survive with only one. The vending machine is rather exposed for those of us who are heavy and self-conscious and don't want others to see us eating junk food. I hoped no one would see me standing at the machine. In my self-conscious haze, I pushed the wrong buttons. Still chocolate, but not what I wanted. Which gave me an excuse to feed the machine again and walk away with two candy bars.
And then I had to face the hallways, hoping no one would see what I was carrying. You can't put chocolate in your pocket in Phoenix, especially when the high is 102 (seriously, it's that hot already!) and you really can barely hold it in your hand long enough to get it back to your desk.
I passed person after person and watched their eyes to see if they gravitated to the candy I was trying to hide at my sides. I was almost to my cube when I nearly ran over two people at a corner, picked up my pace just a hair and scooted in front of them.
"Is that your lunch?" L said from behind.
Oh for the love of Pete! I thought to myself.
"No, I pushed the wrong buttons," I said with a chuckle as I kept walking hoping she'd drop it.
"Have you heard of garblegarble? He says Twix are the worst candy bar you can have," she said noting that I was carrying a Twix and looking over the wall of my cube.
Why oh why do you skinny minis think it's OK to talk smack to the heavy girl eating candy? I wondered.
"Well, none of them are good for us, really," I said sitting down hoping she'd just go away and leave me in peace to eat my damn candy.
The list of foods I shouldn't eat is long. And I continue to choose to ignore it. And conversations like that make me want to eat it even more.
