The problem with living with diabetes 24/7 is that you forget the details of the disease. It becomes like breathing or eating. You only remember the major moments...the great food you enjoyed or the time you got pulled under by a wave and struggled for the surface and air.
And that's exactly how diabetes is for me. After sixteen plus years of this disease, I can't remember the finger pricks or the insulin shots or any of the in between. It just zooms past my memory because I don't find a need to remember these minute issues (and my brain would constantly be on overload if I tried to remember 6+ finger pricks a day for the past sixteen years).
But today, I'm finding the need to remember these issues. Since I'm back on MDI's for the time being, I've been submerged into the life of insulin injections and many more finger checks. The ups and downs of diabetes are now important. The details are important.
Specifically, I want to remember the times where I've introduced my diabetes to someone new, done an insulin shot in the middle of a restaurant (with someone new), and felt the interchange of the details of diabetes in a conversation. It's been awhile since I've needed (or wanted) to tell someone new about this disease in a way that they understand why I'm "shooting up" at the dinner table or slurring my words at the end of the night.
I know the basics of how to do it...the right words to say, the high points to hit. But I don't know how to introduce it into the conversation. I don't know if it's something to hold off and introduce later. Or maybe just throw it out there that I have a need to pull out a syringe at the dinner table.
My first thought is to plan my dinner ahead of time. If I know the restaurant, I can better guess what I might eat there. That means that I can give an injection in my car, before it has to be introduced to the dinner table. But that only works if I've been to the restaurant and if the restaurant is usually fast about bringing out food.
My next thought is to do the whole "duck and cover" by heading to the bathroom before they bring the food. But I'm not comfortable doing that. I'd rather have it taken care of before the meal or just at the table. After all, why should I inconvenience myself in fear of what someone might think?
My last thought is to just wait until after the meal (and pick a lower carb meal) and after I've said goodnight. But I don't want to risk a high blood sugar at the expense of avoiding the diabetes subject.
I just really wish I could remember what it was like to do an injection with someone new at the table (and when I didn't have the backup of friends). I know that I used to manage it somehow! If only I could remember how...
It's not even that I'm scared that the person will judge my diabetes. They know that I'm diabetic. They just don't know that food requires a needle and blood. I'm just stressed about having to do this all over again, to start a new conversation that might be a little odd. I know that I have to do it eventually, but do new friends really need to know the FIRST time you hang out with them?
