hisks

Yesterday I posted about my toe problem and I wanted to dig a little deeper into the fear that accompanies any little thing like a spot on my toe.

Ever since I was diagnosed with this stupid disease I have be told horrible stories of all the complications that can happen to me. Going blind, losing a limb, kidney’s failing, heart disease, neuropathy, stroke and more. All very real and very scary stuff.

I understand that we have to know this stuff. That knowing will ultimately help us to make some better choice and attempt to keep our disease in control all the time doing out best to avoid those complications.

But I find that I tend to live in fear. If my eye starts to hurt I am sure the diabetes is destroying my sight and I will soon need laser surgery and a Seeing Eye dog. If my lower back hurts I am sure my kidneys are failing and I will need to be on dialysis soon. If I feel the slightest tightening in my chest I am sure I am having a heart attack and will promptly die. Seriously, this is how I live.

And I hate it.

I recorded a Vlog about it on Friday but felt like it was something I needed to talk about here. Many comments sounded a lot like me. People who tried to live their lives but always assumed the worse every time something is not right.

Are you like this? Do you freak out if you get a new pain in your toe? Do you immediately pull off your shoe to see if your toe is falling off? Do you want to rush to the ER when you have lower back pain? Or can you just assume the best and wait for more signs that something is worse? How do you handle this stuff?

I want to live in a balance with those fears and the ability to calm down and really assess the situation before I jump to conclusions. Is that possible?

Or are we as people with diabetes just cursed with the inability of letting things go?