From my doorstep to the check in desk at the endo, it's exactly 1 hour. I had a lot of time to think this morning on my drive down. Especially since I hadn't been there in roughly six months. I haven't made a drive that long alone in, well, I guess it's been six months.

I felt myself becoming more sullen the closer I got to the office. My diabetes care had definitely not been the best as of late, and I kept thinking about the way my endo tends to look at me when he asks questions like "So, how are your blood sugars?" and "How often do you test?" and "You don't really need a snack do you?" He's not being judgmental, but I can see the cranks moving behind his eyes. I can't quite read him, but I don't get the you're-doing-great-vibes from him.

I was mostly scared about what my A1C will be. Several days ago, I did some research to try to figure out what I should expect based on what I assume my average blood sugars have been. My meter's not a reliable indicator since I don't test all the time. I'm trying to prepare myself for something in the 8s or 9s. Although, I think that might be optimistic.

I sat in the waiting room much longer than usual and found myself reading a newish issue of Sports Illustrated. Once in my room (which wasn't the same room I had been in each and every time I had been to the endo in the past), I tried to calm my nerves by looking at the posters on the wall, the pamphlets on the sink and finally sat down with a Diabetic Living magazine. I got more nervous and fidgety as each minute passed. But I was pleasantly surprised when the doctor greeted me with a smile. His demeanor was the same as usual, but he seemed more conversational, which put me more at ease.

This visit was all about starting Byetta. I had weaned my youngest child and was ready for the green light to start the new drug-hoping among all hopes that it would help curb my appetite, which would start the wheels in motion for controlling my eating habits and thus getting my numbers under control.

After discussing all my drugs-what to stay on and what to eliminate-he sent me to the lab for tests. The nurse said I should expect a call tomorrow. I'm not sure how I'll make it through the night and the day tomorrow until I get that call. I just know that I'll hate myself for whatever number it is. It's going to be hard, but I will have to have a pep talk with myself and I suspect that my A1C will be the best instigator of that talk.