19 months ago today I quit smoking. That's about 11,500 cigarettes that I have NOT smoked if I had continued at the same rate. I got a lot of help at QuitNet, another great, supportive, free site.

I still crave them sometimes. My boss hasn't had a cigarette in over 20 years and he still wants one occasionally too. I've accepted I will just have to live with that.

This is the 25th time I quit smoking. I started my quest for freedom from nicotine 1/1/2000. In some ways that thrills me, because I kept working on smoking cessation (albeit not continuously) until it stuck. The "stick-to-it-iveness" my mother always wanted me to have. On the other hand, it's a rather pathetic statistic.

When I realized about a year ago that this was the quit that would stick, I felt like I could accomplish anything. I felt strong, confident and wonderful about my goals.

Today, I no longer feel that way. Instead, I wonder if I will have to spend 6 years trying to get a handle on weight, diet and exercise. And then I think of the years I have already spent on it prior to my Type 2 diagnosis.

It's very discouraging and somewhat depressing. Yes, you can take this to mean that I did not start walking 15 minutes a day. I am still dropping weight, but I think that's more childbirth and breastfeeding than any great effort on my part.

My fasting sugars are "ok", but I still run up high for me a couple afternoons a week. A simple walk would do wonders for that, even without addressing the bad choices involved. But I just can't seem to get out there. I think I may be making it too overwhelming and big in my head.

Tomorrow I will try again.