Diabetic Recipes
Lately, I've been out of sync. Off kilter. In a rut.
I'm not making it to the gym as often as I should. My meter average has crept from the low 100s to 158 mg/dl in the past couple of months. I am ignoring the lunches I pack and and either not eating at all or eating whatever crap is available in the office lunchroom.
I'm not sure exactly how it happens, this out of sorts business. But it feels like every so often, I go right off the rails without even realizing it's happening. One day, I think maybe I've got a handle on diabetes, weight, work, life. And in an instant, it changes.
I confess, there are times when I know that I'm on the wrong track. When, in fact, I am the cause of my own impending demise. I purposefully shirk testing, I plan things INSTEAD of the gym, and I stress myself out at work on an all too regular basis.
But that's not the case this time around. It is as if someone is playing with time behind my back. I test at 9am after breakfast and then all of a sudden it's 2 pm and I haven't eaten lunch or tested. Late nights at work, family stressors and obligations, and various other real-life issues have stood in the way when I've wanted to be working out. A few times, I've gotten an hour and a half past a meal, feeling totally off, and realized that I never bolused.
Beyond that, I haven't been able to write about it until now. The words swimming in my head, usually so synchronized in their bathing caps and makeup, just bob up and down unfettered and unchoreographed. Writing for anything - work, pleasure, this blog - has been nearly impossible.
This is a common theme with me. But why? How do I let myself get so off-track?
Fortunately, this time around, things aren't so bad. In spite of my laziness - my meter average is still well-below the 200 mg/dl level, the numbers on the scale (miraculously) haven't gone up even a bit, and I still have this great job writing about it all here at Blogabetes.
Once again, though, it's time to pull myself back together. I'm taking some baby steps in the effort. I've turned the testing alarms back on in my pump. I hate the things - but there's no ignoring them and it will force me out of the time-losing that can sometimes happen during my workdays. I have also set an Outlook alarm that reminds me that I need to eat my bag lunch and that I need to go to the gym. I've committed to myself that if I realize in advance the gym won't fit into the evening schedule, I'll get out of my office and walk at lunch. Finally, I've started using some old style writing exercises to get my brain moving in the write direction on that front. I pulled out a book I hadn't looked at since college the other day, filled with sometimes challenging - always fodder-filled - brain obstacles.
I'm hoping that these steps will lead me back in the right direction. But it makes me wonder if my life will always be like this. If every life is like this. You cruise along for awhile, then get knocked out of sync, and have to work back into some kind of healthier - happier rhythm.
What do you all think?
I don't have a comment about this blogger. I had emailed my comment to Hayley who was found under her desk at the office becase of a hypoglycemic attack. I have had many many hypogolycemic attacks and my problem is that I do not realize when it is going to happen before I become unconscious (normally happens when I wake up on the floor at home). Hypoglycemia has actually caused me to have a car accident (a couple of months ago. they called the paramedics because I was not answering clearly and they found that my blood sugar level was about 29 and they gave me a glucagon shot which put me on track almost instantly. I have found that Humalog can cause me a lot of problems. I take an evenning shot (12) of Lantus and this causes me no problem. I would like to hear from my fellow type 1 diabetics (I got it when I was 45 and going through an early menopause) if they have had any problems with humalog or losing consiousness without warning. This disease truly ruined my life. With love to all my fellow diabetics. Macsharon of Beverly Hills, CA.
macsharon,
There are bulletin boards you can post on if you click "diabetes community" at the top of the screen. You're more likely to get a response there.
This is a great post Nic, and I think that ALL of us struggle with this. Every last one. I wonder if there isn't some kind of "early warning" system we could put in place? But then again, when I'm off track I'm just as likely to ignore it too.
Great post Nick, I'm going through it right now, I don't write in a blog but in my daily notes I have in a diabetes program I use I am holding my own for now but just can't seem to get back on track. I guess we just need to take it a day at a time.
Thanks again for the post
I enjoy reading what you have to say, because it's REAL! I hate reading something, and realizing I'll never do as well as that person, and get down. I think you are so funny. I too am in the state of "off track" right now too. My A1c was 13.3, which I know is terrible, so I am taking those little steps to bring that down. The thing is, I didn't even realize it was that bad. I had not been to the Doc for a while, but thought I was ok. DLife sent me that free A1c kit, and I sent it in, and was sick by the results. It can really creep up on you fast. If I had not sent in for the free test, who knows where I'd be right now. Probably in a coma. Thanks for writing a great blog, and good luck getting "ON' track.
Thanks Scott and Tony. I guess all we can do is the best we can do. Sometimes it will be enough - sometimes not. And Scott, the early warning system is EXACTLY what I was getting at. Seriously, I wish there was a safety net for this kind of thing.
Steph - Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means that you appreciate the fact that I don't skate around things and that I try my best to tell my life just like it is. I'm so glad you commented - and I'm so pleased that this post resonated with you. Good luck with your A1C - I feel confident you've got just the right attitude you need to start working that # down. It's all just data, in my opinion, data that we can use to better care for ourselves. :)
I can't tell you how much better I feel after reading comments from those of you who have also gotten off track. All summer I told myself my meds would take care of whatever I ate, but then my daughter (a nurse) made me take test one day and it was over 300! My last A1C was over 10. Why am I on this self-destructive path? I have so much to live for.
After my hysterectomy in March, it was hard to get back on track. I finally felt better, but the surge in estrogen made me hungry all the time and I didn't feel like exercising anymore. Then a few weeks ago, I went to the emergency room and ended up with two stents in my arteries. It took that scare to get me back on a good diet, but I'm still struggling to get moving. The neuropathy in my feet is painful, but I need to walk. I'm still not allowed to ride a bike or climb stairs because they had to go through my femoral artery twice. So I have all this motivation, and it's still really difficult.
I to am off track. Life always seems to get in the way, everyone else but you. So I'm taking your words of wisdom with me this week and will try, just as hard as you, to put me first and get back on track. Thanks for sharing Nic, good luck.
Hi Laura - First step - as I wrote - is saying "something's not right here" and that is one of the most difficult steps to take. You've done that! Concentrate on using the data you have to make the changes you need to make. You'll be fine - one step at a time - it's what all of us need to remember!
Witty1 - I feel silly complaining - when you're facing such challenging physical complications. You sound like you're determined though - and strong. I'm sure you'll come through in the end. Listen to the doctors, do your best, and come back and keep me posted... :) Good luck!
Hi Volleyma - You're welcome. I don't feel all that wise. But I think we do - as humans - learn something with every challenge we face. I feel strongly that if we're giving our best, there is not much more that we (or anyone else) can ask of us. Good luck to you too!
Nicole,
Have you kept track of when this happens? I have found that I go off the rails at predictable times each year. I always get a bit off when the weather and the sunlight levels change in the fall. Knowing that I go in cycles kind of helps me not to completely wig out when it happens and make things worse.
Rebecca
Hi Rebecca - I hadn't thought about that, but when I do think about it, it often occurs with the waves of business at work - I think. It's a great suggestion! Thank you :) - Nicole
I definitely know how you feel, Nicole! For me, the constant change in my school schedule (every 4 to 5 months) gets me out of sync. I start noticing those numbers creeping up and wonder what I'm doing so differently because it doesn't seem like anything changed. Then it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get it settled again. And right when it is, sure enough things change! I was hoping that once I got out of college, my life would stabilize, but from the sound of it, it seems that it's just part of the mess this whole thing is.