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January 8th, 2009
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Getting dressed Monday morning I thought to myself that today was the day when my office-mates would finally ask me about diabetes. Over the weekend workers moved our entire 120ish-person workforce from one not-yet-renovated building into temporary quarters in the newly renovated building.

 

As I unpacked my box, I gingerly tacked my "cure diabetes" pin from Beth onto my cube wall near my computer screen, my bag of emergency Jelly Belly's went onto the open shelf above my computer along with popcorn, granola bars, juice boxes and sugar-free cough drops. Something is bound to tip them off, I thought.

 

There was a lot of noise and chatter as we all got settled in. I'm in an area where four of us are in one big cube with our own space but no privacy. Again, I really thought someone would notice and say something as I checked my sugar throughout the day and beep, beep, beeped my way through snacks. Nothing.

 

This should all be OK, right? On one hand this shows that I'm living normally, adding a sprinkle of diabetes here and there without notice, integrating it into my normal daily activities. I'm managing my sugar and not making a big deal of this little slice of my life.

 

On the other hand, shouldn't people notice these little differences between me and them? Shouldn't they hear the beeps and boops of my life? Of course, maybe they do and they don't want to ask because it may be seen as an intrusion. Or maybe no one has really seen me do anything. But, jeez, I wear Toohey so practically prominent! It's like a big belt buckle! OK not really, but seriously, why has only one person said: Is that your iPod?

 

And on the third hand, the bigger question in my mind is why this matters so much to me.



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I found at work that my coworkers were very hesitant to ask me about my diabetes. I made it a point to not be reticent about it, partly because if I have a sudden hypo episode I want them to know what to do--at least what to tell the EMS! So I spread the word a bit, and found that many of them have relatives with diabetes and were eager to talk about it and ask questions. Thank heavens I keep up in Diabetes Forecast and Diabetes Self Management magazines, most of their queries I could answer off the top of my head, and I had the resources at hand to find the information for those I wasn't sure about. I work in the Technical Services section of our city library, so we handle lots of new books every day. Everyone along the processing line now alerts me when a new diabetes book comes along, and it always leads to more discussion! I just started on a pump, so now I'm talking about that at work too.
Maybe the reason I have this stupid condition is to help other people face up to it and find the information they need to help themselves and their loved ones. I insist on dragging it out into the light and breaking the taboo, saying it's okay to ask! And maybe that's why it's important to Michelle that her coworkers notice her beeps and boops--talking about takes away it scariness, making it visible destroys some of its psychological power over everyone!


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Michelle Kowalski
Michelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)

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