"Do you see symptoms of low blood glucose? Shakiness, sweating or disorientation?"

"Well, sure, of course. My son has type 1 diabetes. I'm sorry, who are you again?"

"This is a free service from your insurance provider. We'll be calling occasionally to check in with you to see how things are going."

"Oh."

"How often do you see low blood sugars?"

"I'd say we see at least one low almost every day."

"Whoa! Every day???"

"Well it's a long day."

"Do you see elevated blood glucose levels?"

"Well, yeah. I did mention my son has diabetes, right?"

"Yes. How often do you see high blood glucose?"

"Every day. At one point or another. He has highs all the time."

(gasp) "What do his doctors say?"

"Oh, we've never taken him to a doctor. Should we have?"

[Dammit! I wish I really said that. Back to the true story ...]

"His doctors understand what we're going through and know we're doing the best we can. The doctors have noticed, just as we have, that his blood sugars often have no clear pattern. They tell us to keep doing what we're doing. Keep checking sugars, keep basal testing."

"Do you go to Joslin? They're very good."

"No. We go to CHOP - Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Isn't Joslin in Boston?"

"Well yes, but I see there's also one close to you. In Syracuse."

(visualizing map of the United States in my head)

"Syracuse?"

"OK, my computer is telling me this is an urgent emergency."

(giggling) "Interesting. My computer tells me to 'really satisfy her' with penis enlargement."

[Dammit! Didn't say that either. Coward!]

"An urgent emergency means that you would be receiving phone calls from us quite often. Do you feel that would be necessary?"

"Neh. Thanks though."