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My average for the past two weeks is 127. I can't even believe it. I'm staring at my logbook and my pump's software reports with my mouth open. How did I get below 130?

I know the numbers that are leading to averages like 127 (unfortunately, I don't know the reason behind those numbers). For the past two weeks, I've experienced plenty of lows. I run consistently in the 60's and 70's for hours on end.

When I treat these lows, nothing seems to happen. Occasionally, I'll overtreat and see a number like 150 or 180, then correct that only to see my blood sugar plummet back below 80. Sometimes I'll level out and run in the low 100's for a while (that's when I try not to move or eat or breathe for fear that something might change).

After about a week of that, I lowered my basals and increased all of my carb ratios and sensitivity factors to try to knock out these lows. I've gained a pound in the past two weeks because of all the excess calories I have to consume. Still, nothing changed.

So I lowered my basals again today. I hope that I level out, even running in the 90's would be an improvement. I do want lower averages, but I don't want more calories or the fear that comes with living on my own and waking up between 70 and 80 most mornings.

I also don't want the sensitivity to high blood sugars (okay, I do but I don't). A few days ago, I hit 250 after a workout (lowered the basal too much) and felt like I was 500. It was annoying, startling, and unpleasant to say the least. I want to know that 250 is a gross and unwanted number, but I also want to know that 250 is not the end of the world.

Where is the middle ground between controlled and over-controlled? When do you know that you've crossed the line? When you let yourself run low and tolerate the fear in order to get a "perfect" A1c? When you only lower your insulin by the smallest increment because you don't want to see anything over 140?

Have I crossed the line? I'm starting to see myself trending towards overly aggressive instead of just in control of this disease. I can't say that I'm upset that I'm overly aggressive, but I think I'm starting to see there is a greater sacrifice here: it could be my life.