varohaub

For the past few weeks, my diabetes management has really gone by the wayside. I've been so consumed with my job, my new project, school, and catching up on things that I haven't been able to invest the time that I usually do with my diabetes. And it's giving me a guilty conscious.

Typically, I look at my averages every day and analyze for daily trends I see. I upload at least once a month and analyze all of that data. I count carbs fairly accurately, instead of just plugging in a number that sounds "about right." And I make sure to treat accordingly.

Lately, with everything that's been going on over this summer, I've put every one of those habits to the side. I haven't uploaded since May. My carb counting is atrocious. Sometimes, I even forget to bolus. I have no idea what my average was for yesterday or last week (I can tell you it isn't where I want it to be!).

But life has just gotten in the way. My mind is on overload. I feel flustered, getting to the point of burn out very quickly. I'm scatter-brained, lost in my thoughts, lost in nothingness and fog. So diabetes has been pushed to the back (because I know it will ALWAYS be there, so hey...why deal now when other things need to be dealt with today or this week?)

That doesn't make me feel great. It makes me feel like I'm slowly killing myself. I see how lack of management leaves me with lack of control. I feel my diabetes spinning out into space. The guilt, the anger is getting unbearable.

Do you feel guilty when you don't manage the way you want to? Or do you just realize that we're only human and we can only manage so much at the same time?