I am not an angry person. Or a sad person. Really.

Most of the time, I'm fairly easy-going. I don't dwell for too long on the things I can't change, I try not to let those niggling things get the best of me. I often try to look on the bright side. I'm certainly not one of those annoyingly positive people you'd like to punch because they're so cheerful, but I'm pleasant. And although I won't be rolled over and you better not screw with someone I care about - or you'll suffer my wrath - I don't go out of my way to pick fights or hurt anyone.

But then sometimes I have a low bloodsugar. And well, then - all bets are off. My easy-going nature often exits the premises of my body and "the beast" emerges.

My brother gave me the nickname Chewbacca after a low bloodsugar during which I apparently looked and sounded like a wookiee. I am assured regularly that my likeness to a wookiee resurfaces with almost every low bloodsugar I have. Fabulous.

Here's the thing. I'm always trying to figure out why I react the way I do during a low bloodsugar. Why do I get so angry about everything - but in particular about having diabetes? Why do I lash out at people I love and say things that are mean and untrue? Why do I sob like a baby over nothing - and everything?

Are my true fears and feelings surfacing in a moment of vulnerability; in a moment when my inhibitions are gone? I mean, I've also been known to want to shed my clothes during an insulin reaction - a sure sign that my usual self-conciousness simply doesn't exist in the world of too much insulin.

When I'm low - does whatever emotional guard I have up come down and let all of the negative emotions I'm trapping inside come out? And if that's true - why does it feel like the things I do or say are so foreign and so far from the truth? Could I be feeling things and not knowing it in my everyday life?

Sometimes, when I'm told about the things I've said during a low bloodsugar or when I have flashes of memory around a low bloodsugar, I cannot believe I actually uttered some of the things that I KNOW I said.

For me, this is one of the worst parts of having diabetes. The complete lack of control and the loss of time that can occur during a severe low bloodsugar - combined with an inability to put my finger on exactly where some of the expressions I make during those reactions come from - add up to confusion and guilt that sometimes weigh heavily upon my heart.

I am fortunate to be surrounded by people who understand that my words and behavior at a bloodsugar of 36 mg/dl are colored by the physical impact of a level that low - and by the emotional impact of having had this disease for more than two decades. Now - if only I could really believe that myself.