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I have vivid dreams. When I close my eyes at night, a whole new world appears, in living color. My dreams hold smells and sounds and sights that often rival the sensory reality of my waking life. There have been times when I could swear I've seen people, had conversations, and done things in real life, when these memories were simply creations of my sleeping mind. I know that I talk, run, laugh, and cry while I sleep; something that makes sharing a bed with me a real challenge. I suppose that the vividness of my dreams might be a reflection of the constant activity in my brain. (READ MORE)

Logging. It is something every diabetic should do. It is important in terms of identifying patterns and making decisions about dosing - and it is vital to figuring out when you need to be paying more attention and where your problem areas are in the course of a day. I remember the bad old days of handwritten logbooks. They were cumbersome and not at all useful, even when they were kept up and brought to the doctor. Technology has come a long way and there are many great tools available for logging everything we need to be tracking. But, for me at least, logging is still an excruciating task. (READ MORE)

Tied.  In a way that I hate to feel tied.

Lashed, tight to the feeling that I must succeed.  Bound to the knowledge that if I don't, the consequences could be (will be) disastrous. 

I am free spirited.  I throw myself into things with unbridled verve.  It's something I like about myself.  It's something that has often served me well.   It has challenges, of course, like the times I fell while rollerskating down the bulkhead.  But it is largely an advantage.  

Having an A1C test, waiting on the result, receiving it - all of these steps are agonizing, and they drain every ounce of bohemian lightheartedness.  It's frustrating. 

  (READ MORE)

Badlands

Some days, I really LOVE my insulin pump. On those days, I recognize the power of this life-saving device and I am grateful to have it at my side. On those days, when I'm not connected for a shower or exercise, I am acutely aware of its absence. (READ MORE)

I met my boyfriend Curtis in April, just weeks after he was in a very serious car accident.  I have watched and helped, over the past months, as he's struggled with serious back injury that has impeded his ability to work and play in so many ways.  I've also watched and helped as post-concussion issues with cognition and vision have caused major struggles at work and home.  It has been a difficult road for him. 

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Before you read any further, I want you to know that this is not a terribly uplifting post. And I won't fault you if you decide to stop reading now.

One of the worst parts of having diabetes, for me, is how vulnerable it makes me feel. In the past, I've expressed my fears related to this disease on this blog and my personal blog. I am not a person that lets fear deter me. I push on, I make my way in spite of the fact that I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the possibility of disaster that life presents.

But, you know, life with diabetes presents a whole other set of disastrous possibilities. (READ MORE)