Tuesday night, I switched my Lantus over to a once-per-day shot instead of the split doses I'd been using previously. I started with 22 units of Lantus at 8pm. I knew I'd see some highs, but I didn't want to risk an unexpected night low after making the first switch.

And I did see some elevation. I ran mostly in the 180-290 range all through Wednesday, which wasn't as high as I was expecting really. I made sure to consider food in the highs, along with the usual post-breakfast spike. And I was confident that a few more units of Lantus might do the trick (or at least get me closer).

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I have two eyes. 

I have ten fingers. 

I have two legs.  And two thighs. 

I have one insulin pump.   

I have about fifteen blood glucose meters.  

When I was a little kid, my mother used to tell my brothers and me to stop counting.  What she meant was to stop looking at how many cookies someone else got, or how many toys someone else had, or how much money someone else got in their allowance - and comparing it to what we had.  She would say "when you count what others have, and compare, it's easy to forget what YOU DO have."  

Sound advice.

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As a parent of a child with diabetes, it’s not so easy to set goals. Test his blood sugar more often? Don’t think so. His little fingers look like they’ve been dipped in bee hives. Doctors have been urging us to cut down on testing for years.

Get more exercise? Charlie never stops running. He’s like a greyhound on amphetamine.

Get less exercise? Doubtful. See above.

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As I looked at my averages last night in preparation for my Friday endo check-up, I couldn't help but complain to myself that there is no pattern. Every day is different, often drastically so. I can't find any constant area. There aren't variables causing these random shifts, at least not to the naked eye.

First, there's my morning blood sugars. Sometimes I wake up low even after a bedtime snack with no bolus. And sometimes I wake up in the 200 or 300 range with no apparent cause. Because of my history of seizures and severe lows, I lean towards the lows though. At this point in my life, I'd rather wake up 300 occasionally instead of trying to raise my insulin to counteract those highs.

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I have not had good blood sugar the last four days. Watching the little blips on Dex go crazy high and then plummet below my "low" mark has been nerve wracking to say the least.

What did I eat? Did I not exercise enough? Did I overdo my exercise? Am I stressed? Is it hormones? Is my meter calibrated right? Did I calibrate Dex right? What did I eat? Did I forget to bolus? Did I miscalculate carbs?

What did *I* do?

The last four days I blamed myself for my roller coaster blood sugars. They were horrible, really. Highs so high and not responding to insulin. And then when those highs finally started coming down I felt comfortable enough to eat and my sugar would shoot back up. I think Dex woke me up most of those four nights.

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I am a firm believer in goals. Without striving towards something I lose focus. I need to have that bell to ring, button to push, or number to reach to motivate myself.

Currently I am working on losing 40 pounds. I put up a spot on my blog that is titled "Where's the 40?" and beneath it I post a picture of the number I am at in relation to the 40 pounds. Right now I am still in the high 30's but seeing that number motivates me. It gets me to want to make changes so that number changes, and so I will reach my goal.

For some, knowing that your health will be improved and you will hopefully live longer are good enough reasons. Those alone motivate. For some odd, very strange reason, that is not enough for me. Or maybe I should say, that these things to not seem real enough for me. I need a goal I can reach in the next few months so I can say "I've done it" and prepare myself for the next goal. (READ MORE)