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October 23, 2016
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The Story of My Life

This phrase has always thrown me a bit.

It's almost always uttered after relating a really bad experience or list of bad experiences. Wow, dog pooped on the rug, kids got head lice, and my car broke down - story of my life. You almost never hear the same phrase uttered on the other end of things. For example, dog scared a robber away, kids cleaned their rooms, my car got me everywhere I needed to go without any issues and I found parking - story of my life.

I'm making a lot of efforts at moving forward of late, not the least of which is on the diabetes front. I'm realizing that often I utter a figurative "story of my life" in relation to diabetes. I expect, pretty consistently, that things will go wrong. I view diabetes through a pretty solidly negative lens these days and I don't think it's actually helping me at all. I am not surprised when my bloodsugar is low three mornings out of the week and just fine the other four mornings, even though I've not eaten or done much of anything different. I expect that my meter average is going to rise for no reason, that I'm going to be insatiably hungry for things that I know will raise bloodsugar - even when my levels are in range. That attitude makes it easier to not test. It makes it easier to forget a bolus. It makes it easier to eat what I want without thinking. It makes weight gain easier and out of range sugars easier. Story of my life, right?

I want to make a shift. I will no longer accept that more bad than good is the story of my diabetes life. I will no longer accept behaviors that contribute to the "story of my life" being an eternal frustration when it comes to my disease. I think this is a necessary step for me in getting past the very long, drawn out burn out that has infected my world. I think it's necessary to do away with assumptions that diabetes is simply unmanageable. I know it's manageable, I've done it in the past. Does it throw obstacles up with stunning regularity? Sure, it does. But all in all, it is not something that's hopeless.

Quite simply, I need to change the story of my life. Instead of "Wow, I had a low that found me making an ass of myself, followed by an eating binged triggered by the low, followed by a day of not testing because I was so frustrated at the day prior - story of my life..." I'm going to try for "Today was a rough day with diabetes, but every day isn't like this one. Tomorrow I'll try for different."

It's a slow process, but I'm getting there.

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