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What if Linus Van Pelt had Type 1 Diabetes?
(Linus writes a letter to The Great Pumpkin)
Linus (writing): Dear Great Pumpkin. I'm looking forward to your arrival on Halloween night. I hope you will bring me a cure for type 1 diabetes.
(Charlie Brown arrives)
Charlie Brown: Who are you writing to, Linus?
Linus: This is the time of the year to write to the Great Pumpkin. On Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises out of his pumpkin patch and flies through the air delivering cures to children with type 1 diabetes.
Charlie Brown: You must be crazy. When are you going to stop believing in something that isn't true? A magical pumpkin isn’t going to just come out of the sky and bring you a cure. It takes hard work to cure diabetes. It takes a complete lifestyle change. Better eating! Fitness! P90X workout DVDs …
Linus: But Charlie Brown, I don’t have that type of …
Charlie Brown: Maybe even liposuction!
(Snoopy notices Linus writing his letter and laughs about it; He then leans in close to Linus and sniffs his breath; He howls and points at the canister of glucose tabs. Like a drill sergeant, he orders Linus to eat four; Lucy, on the other hand, is not happy)
Lucy: Not again! Writing a letter to a stupid pumpkin?! You make me the laughingstock of the neighborhood! All they talk about is my little diabetic brother, who always writes to the Great Pumpkin. (grabs him by his shirt) You better cut it out right now or I'll pound you!
(Linus uses his blanket to twist open the glucose tabs and he pops four in his mouth. His blanket then acts like a finger and punches some buttons on his pump and then reattaches it to his waistband. Linus looks down to see how much insulin is active.)
Linus: There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and diabetes.
(Patty walks by and also notices Linus writing the letter)
Patty: You're wasting your time! The Great Pumpkin is a fake!
Linus: Everyone tells me you're a fake, but I believe in you. I have been dreaming about you for years. (Decides what to write next) P.S. If you really are a fake, don't tell me. I don't want to know.
Sally: What are you doing, Linus?
Linus: I'd rather not say. You might laugh.
Sally: Oh, I'd never laugh at you, Linus. You have a disability. Plus, you're so intelligent.
Linus cocks his head.
Linus: I'm writing to the Great Pumpkin. I want a cure!
Sally: You always say the cutest things.
Linus: On Halloween night, the 'Great Pumpkin' rises out of the pumpkin patch, then flies through the air to bring a cure to good little type 1 children everywhere. Wouldn't you like to sit with me in the pumpkin patch on Halloween night and wait for the Great Pumpkin?
Sally: Oh, I'd love to, Linus. Will that mean you’ll stop going BEEP-BOP-BOOP in Mrs. Anderson’s class? It is very distracting to all the students.
(Lucy, Charlie Brown, and the kids go trick-or-treating and go to the first house)
Kids: Trick or treat! Money or eats!
Lucy: (after getting her bag filled): Can I have an extra piece of candy for my stupid diabetic brother? He couldn't come with us 'cause he's sitting in a pumpkin patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin. (gets her extra candy and then asks to see the bag the candy came in for its nutritional information. When the homeowner says she threw out the bag, Lucy pulls up Google on her iPhone and says loudly, "Fun-size Snickers! Carbohydrates!") It's so embarrassing to have to ask about carbohydrates for that blockhead Linus.
Homeowner: Wah, wah, wah, waaaaah wah???
Lucy: Of course he can have chocolate.
Homeowner: Wah, wah, wah, waaaaah, wah wah.
Lucy: Yes, my parents are OK with it.
Homeowner: Wah wah wah wah waaaah wah wah!
Lucy: No, I do not think they belong in jail for endangering his life!
Lucy: You know what, lady? Keep your candy!
(Linus and Sally are still waiting for the Great Pumpkin)
Sally: If anyone had told me I'd be waiting in a pumpkin patch with a diabetic on Halloween night, I'd have said they were crazy.
Linus: Just think, Sally, when the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch, you’ll be here to see me finally cured of type 1 diabetes.
Linus: What's that? What's that? I hear the Great Pumpkin!
(more rustling noises, then a silhouette of Snoopy rises)
Linus: THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS! IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN! HE'S RISING OUT OF THE PUMPKIN PATCH!
(he faints, then regains consciousness, waking up to Snoopy in a nurses uniform squeezing a 15 carb juice box into his mouth and loading a test strip into a blood glucose meter)
Linus: What happened? Did I faint? Was he here? Am I cured? Why is my neck all sweaty?
Sally (angrily): I was robbed! I spent the whole night waiting for the Great Pumpkin, when I could've been out for tricks-or-treats! What a fool I was! I could've had candy, apples, and gum! And cookies and money and all sorts of things! But no! I had to listen to you. Just because you don’t like to exercise! Just because you like jelly donuts! Why don’t you use that fancy blanket of yours and turn it into an elliptical machine!?! You blockhead. What a fool I was. Trick-or-treats come only once a year, and I miss it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a diabetic blockhead. (shakes him by his shirt) YOU OWE ME RESTITUTION!
(the other children, including an angry Sally, exit the pumpkin patch and leave Linus all alone)
Charlie Brown: Well, another Halloween has come and gone.
Linus: Yes, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: I don’t understand it. I went trick-or-treating and all I got was a bag full of rocks! And I'm not even the diabetic. I suppose you spent all night in the Pumpkin Patch. And the Great Pumpkin never showed up?
Charlie Brown: Well, don’t take it too hard, Linus. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life too. And plus, there’s always cinnamon.
Linus: STUPID? WHAT DO YOU MEAN STUPID? Just wait 'til next year, Charlie Brown. You'll see! Next year at this same time, I'll find a pumpkin patch that is real sincere and one that cares that I have to prick my finger 12 times a day and count carbs and deal with high blood sugars and low blood sugars ALL THE TIME! And I'll sit in that pumpkin patch until the Great Pumpkin appears. He'll rise out of that pumpkin patch and he'll fly through the air with his cure for type 1 diabetes. The Great Pumpkin will appear! And I'll be waiting for him! I'll be there! I'll be sitting there in that pumpkin patch and I'll see the Great Pumpkin. Just wait and see, Charlie Brown. I'll see that Great Pumpkin. I'll SEE the Great Pumpkin! Just you wait, Charlie Brown. The Great Pumpkin will appear and I'll be waiting for him!
Michelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Nicole Purcell lists having type 1 diabetes last when she's asked to provide information about herself - because that's where it belongs. (Read More)