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October 26, 2016
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Carbs of Mass Destruction

There’s a rather depressing but beautiful song by The Posies called “You Avoid Parties.”


I’m thinking of this song title as emails for an end-of-hockey-season party enter my inbox this week like preemptive strikes.


“We will bring hot dogs and rolls,” was the first response on Monday.  OK, I can handle that. No carbs for the dog. Hot dog buns are almost universally 20 carbs. It could have been worse. It could have been, “I’ll bring a few pizzas.” So far so good.


And then …


We were under attack!


“We’ll bring Philly Pretzels” was the first of several aggressive strikes Wednesday morning. Hot pretzels. Carbs of mass destruction!


And then another email:


“I will bring cupcakes.”




“We’ll bring baked mac n chees.”


Medic! Medic! We need a medic here!


The relentless wave of attacks lasted into the evening.


“We will bring assorted bags of chips and pretzels.”


“We will bring homemade mini calzones.”


Sweet Jesus!!!!! Where is the humanity?!?


“We will bring liquefied Skittles and an intravenous drip chamber.”


Why not???


The end-of-season party also includes a kids versus parents and coaches hockey game. I will be skating with my head up as to avoid the wrath of Charlie as he gets his chance to seek revenge upon me for nine years of “torture.”  He was not at all pleased that I plunked a sensor needle in his butt two nights ago. He’ll be motivated.


As far as the carbs of mass destruction go, I can only hope that the activity from an earlier lacrosse game (yes, now we’re doing lacrosse) will keep his blood sugars somewhat in check.


He’ll probably go low and we’ll end up needing that Skittle drip.


Then he’ll go high.


Then he’ll go low.


Then he’ll be fine (for like fifteen minutes).


Then he’ll go high.


Then he’ll stay high for quite some time.


Then he’ll go low.


Then he’ll go lower.


Then he’ll go extremely high.




I surrender.

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