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October 22, 2016
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The One That Got Away

All I heard was the word “tube.” That was all I needed. My diabetes radar was going bonkers.


The short guy and the tall guy, leaning up against a kidney-shaped island of snack foods in the office cafeteria, could have been talking about anything tube-related. Car parts.  Guitar amplifiers. Tubal ligation. Anything!


But I knew they weren’t. My radar said so. I was drawn to them like a horsefly to road kill.


I circled past them slowly, perusing the snack options. “Hmm, peanuts.”


I got a good whiff of their conversation.


Short guy: Yeah, so it’s actually just a pod that goes on the skin. (He demonstrated the size of it with his fingers).  Completely tubeless.


Tall guy nodded and said “hmm.”


I wondered how long I could just stand right next to them before it got creepy.


Decisions, decision. I just don’t know what to eat.


Short guy:  The next thing is the artificial pancreas.


Tall guy: Oh yeah?



Short guy: Yeah. It’s supposed to act like a real pancreas, using the CGM technology.  It’s supposed to give glucose if you need glucose and insulin when you need insulin.


Tall guy: Wow.


Me: Hmm, these crackers look nice. Let me just see what’s in ‘em. Enriched flour, thiamine mononitrate, reduced iron. 60mg of potassium. Hey, can you speak up?!? I missed that last part.


Short guy:  It’s still a few years away.


OK, buster, I’ve heard just about enough! Who are you??? What do you know??? How do you know all this??? Is it you?? Do you have diabetes??? Or is it your son? Your daughter??? What. Is. The. Deal???


Do something, Carey! Say something! Search him! Strip him! Check his wrists for a medical alert bracelet! Pull his pants down! Don’t just let him  … !!!


get away.

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