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October 26, 2016
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Diabetes Mad Libs (Entry #2)

On Friday, I asked people to submit various nouns, adjectives and verbs, etc. The response was insane (3-ish).


This one comes from Amy and Emma of Mom of an Extra Sweet Insulin Challenged Girl.


So You’d Like to Wear a Continuous Glucose Monitor!


Congratulations! You’ve taken the first step to improved control over your type 1 diabetes.


But keep in mind; it’s not all PILLOWS and PENGUINS. Putting a continuous glucose monitor on your body can be a SMELLY experience for many people QUACKING with type 1 diabetes.  But once set up with the proper settings, the CGM might one day save your TOILET.


First, you need to decide where you will insert the CGM.  It’s a good idea to choose a FUZZY part of the body.  Some people like to wear a CGM on their UVULA and others like to wear it on their TONGUE. Personally, I recommend the EYEBROW. It’s important to choose a location that is not restricted by UNICORNS.


Once you find your spot, you’ll want to apply FRAPPECHINO to the area and let it sit for 1000 minutes. Once the area is good and SQUISHY, it’s time to begin.


Understand, however, that children do not like having a 2000 inch needle inserted into their body. It takes a steady hand to insert the sensor needle when your child is shaking like a scared ZEBRA and screaming like SELENA GOMEZ on fire. Don’t be surprised if he or she screams GREAT SCOTT!!! or Holy PICTURES!!!


Press the button on the inserter tool to plunge the needle under the skin. With 3000 fingers on the glucose sensor base, FASTLY remove the introducer needle.


Do not be alarmed if you see a little bit of MILKSHAKE around the sensor area. This is completely normal.


Connect the transmitter to the PHONE, slap some tape on it and you’re good to go!


A word of caution when setting sensor alarms. If alarms are set too tight, the sensor will BURP!!! all day long. You’ll want to break the device into 4000 pieces and say, “This thing sucks COMPUTERS!”


Look at you! You’re CGM-ing! Blood glucose values are appearing on your device every 5000 minutes and you are getting a clear picture of patterns and trends.


Whether your glucose level is SWAGGING low or SKIPPING high, your continuous glucose monitor is there to let you know. Eat all the PIZZA you want. The CGM will keep an eye on things.


That is, until you outgrow diabetes.

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