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I'll spare the details of dealing with government-based life insurance (Mom was a Federal Government retiree). The funeral home has been as helpful as possible (which is actually very helpful, especially in terms of compassion and empathy), but the end result is that we are dealing with businesses, and at the end of the day, they need to report a profit (or at the very least, the lack of a loss).
Another side-effect of this is that while I am in Queens, I am not working in New Jersey. This means that the few dollars I've been pulling in from the current part-time job... aren't coming in. Considering that monies are so tight that I'm traded off a week's food money to be able to get out here in the first place, I'm walking a fine line between being at my sister's side and getting stranded in Queens. None of this is getting us the cartons we need to pack up the stuff we will be keeping, or The Other Half and me getting things moved from (what is currently) the office of our New Jersey apartment into the living room, so my sister will have some privacy and a place to sleep.
The frustration of hours on hold with the government, days on hold in Queens, and finances on hold (or non-existant) is not giving me the time and space to process the fact that my mother is gone from us forever. The uncertainty of when we will be able to bury my mother leaves me just as unable to travel from Queens to New Jersey and back as the lack of finances. My blood pressure has been holding steady at its normal level, but I've been running a higher-baseline glucocoaster as meals are at irregular times, interspersed with times of intense cleaning and discarding and times of doing absolutely nothing.
I'm in a holding pattern, and until the roadblocks are removed, I don't have the time and the space to grieve.
Michelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes. (Read More)
Nicole Purcell lists having type 1 diabetes last when she's asked to provide information about herself - because that's where it belongs. (Read More)