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April 18, 2014
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The Depression Cloud


I havestruggled with depression for as long as I remember. At one point in time in my twenties, mygrandmother, my mother and I were all taking Prozac at the same time. Is itgenetic, is it environmental, why is my family so prone to being depressed? Is it just a state of mind? Can I train myself to deal with it withoutusing medication? I was off meds foryears, until my LADA diagnosis, then my world fell apart and the depressioncloud parked itself on top of my head once again, and hasnt budged since.

When I thinkabout it rationally, I have no real reason to be depressed, I have a wonderfullife, husband, children, and family; I have been blessed many times over andconsider my life thus far to be one of success.I would like to say that Im a glass half full kind of girl, but if Imhonest, that is not the truth, I am really a glass half empty chick, and itpains me to admit it! I constantlyencourage friends and family to look at the brighter side of things and tothink positive, yet I fail follow the same advice for myself. I often get caught up and overwhelmed bychallenges and setbacks in my life; I guess one could say I lack copingskills. Again, it pains me to admit thisas well.

Maybe thefirst step is to try to come to terms with my diabetes diagnosis.

But I dontwant to be a diabetic!!! (this is the voice screaming and having a tempertantrum in my head)

I remember vividly during nursing school howmuch I dreaded caring for the diabetes patients, never, ever, ever, did I thinkone day I would be one! UGH! Alas, here I am, diagnosed 2 years ago as alate onset Type 1, facing a whole new world of daily challenges and most of allhaving to face the realization that I am one of those patients I dreaded somany years ago as a young nurse.

Adisadvantage to the whole late onset thing is that I mourn the life I had priorto diagnosis. I know having diabetes isnot the worst thing in the world; I could have been facing much worse healthchallenges. Being the control freakthat I am though, diabetes is a rough one.To me, this disease feels like a snake wrapped around my body thatloosens and tightens its grip at random, unpredictable times, and no matterwhat I do, for the rest of my life it will be a part of me and somehow I needto learn to live with it and not fight against it.



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Megan Holmes
Megan Holmes Megan was diagnosed in 2009 with Type I. As an RN, she was familiar with the medical side of her diagnosis; learning to be a good patient on the other hand, was and continues to be the challenge of her day to day life.   (Read More)
Michelle Kowalski
Michelle Kowalski Michelle Kowalski, a writer, editor and photography hobbiest living in Phoenix, was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in February 2005. In January 2008, as part of her quest to start on an insulin pump, Michelle learned that she actually has type 1 diabetes.   (Read More)
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