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October 24, 2016
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A Friend in the White House

To the families of special-needs children all across the country, I have a message: For years, you sought to make America a more welcoming place for your sons and daughters.

I pledge to you that if we are elected, you will have a friend and advocate in the White House.

Gov. Palin, I can't tell you how much this means to me and my family. For eight long years it felt as if we didn't have a friend in the White House. Phew! Thank you for being my friend. What a relief. I have to be honest, I wasn't expecting that. I too am a parent of a special-needs child. My 6-year-old son Charlie has been living with type 1 diabetes since he was a baby.

As my friend, I'm sure you and Senator McCain will lift the restrictions on federal funding of embryonic stem cell research the moment you take office. That's what friends do, right? Friends are there for you when you need them most.

I'm so glad that you don't have a narrow view of this issue and that you understand that embryonic stem cells hold the most promise for a potential cure. And that only with federal dollars could a cure for diabetes and several other diseases get on the fast track. It's refreshing that you understand that discarded embryos would be best used for medical research in a laboratory rather than, well, discarded. There's not a whole lot you can do with an embryo once it's flushed down the toilet or incinerated. I mean, that would be like shooting a moose and not eating the meat. What a waste. Who would do that? That's just crazy talk.

As we all know, hundreds of thousands of embryos have been destroyed during the process of in-vitro fertilization since the late 1970s. Hundreds of thousands of others are cryogenically shelved in crowded medical closets, collecting dust forever. And since I can't find any news of you picketing or protesting or attempting to shut down a single IVF clinic in Alaska, I must assume that you are, by all means, cool with it.

America would indeed be a more welcoming place for Charlie if there was a cure for diabetes. Thank you for your promise.

Oh, and hey, since we'll be friends, I was wondering if one day I can tag along on the helicopter and shoot some endangered animals from the sky. How funny it must be to see them scurrying away, trying to outrun a helicopter. Polar bears are such dumb, unevolved creatures.

How's next Tuesday?

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